did you know that rabbits do two types of shit, and they eat one of them again?

i used to like rabbits.

actually i still do.

last night i dreamt i wrote the hobbit and the lord of the rings.

i was tolkien in my sleep.

(sorry)

i had one of the best nights of my life on saturday. i really can't write down what i'm feeling because it would sound like juvenile gibberish. i have a deep, churning feeling in my stomach which i haven't felt for many years, i can barely eat and i feel completely disconnected from the world.

and he is beautiful.

as the pacific princess pulled out of acapulco, michael's eyes stayed glued on the ever-diminishing figure on the dock. 'look at him' he said. 'that asshole would look gorgeous in an aerial photograph!'

mary ann slipped her arm around his waist. 'didn't i tell you things would work out?'

'yeah, i guess you did.'

'when's he flying back to san francisco?'

'friday. i'm meeting him at the airport.'

'he's awfully nice, mouse.'

'i know, it scares the hell out of me.'

'why?'

'don't make me analyze it. when i analyze things they ... stop happening.' he turned and looked in her eyes. 'you know what i mean, don't you?'

she nodded grimly. 'god, yes.'

'it seems like every time i start up with somebody new ... i don't know ... i see the beginning and the end all at once. i know how it'll die. i can play those scenes in my sleep. this time, though ... well, i don't wanna know the end. not for a while, anyway.'

'maybe there won't be an end.'

he smiled at her indulgently. 'everything ends, babycakes.'

armistead maupin, more tales of the city

went to a hen night last night (yes, i know, but it's a same-sex wedding) and surprised myself by having a really good time. i must remember club mercado on a friday night - absolutely chock full of beautiful boys. mostly straight of course, but hey...

anyway, the stag night is tonight (oh how much must we ape heterosexuality?) and i think i might just have calmed my stomach down enough by then to face another onslaught...

i saw you this morning.
you were moving so fast.
can't seem to loosen my grip
on the past.
and i miss you so much.
there's no-one in sight.
and we're still making love
in my secret life.

i smile when i'm angry.
i cheat and i lie.
i do what i have to do
to get by.
but i know what is wrong.
and i know what is right.
and i'd die for the truth
in my secret life.

lc again

WTC legal fall-out. a new york banker whose car was hit by a man jumping out of the burning north tower is suing the dead man's estate because he failed to curl up into a neat ball to minimise the damage. the city of new york is to sue firms occupying the upper 38 storeys of both towers because as they crashed earthwards, they added hugely to the numbers of people on the lower floors, thus 'momentarily breaking fire regulations'.

Armando Ianucci and Chris Morris in today's atrocity special in the observer

that was a better day. we were reorganising the office. almost everyone has moved, which was the main aim (just shaking things up a bit). there were just four of us in to do the work, which kept the stress to a minimum and produced a rather jovial atmosphere. i'm now next to a window, which seems nice but i suspect won't quite such a good thing when the sun comes streaming in. if it ever does.

anyway, sod this, i'm going out.

wella wella wella huh...

two more cracking filums, then. the man from elysian fields had a splendid performace from mick jagger as an escort agency owner; baran was an iranian production about afghan refugees, and quite beautiful, if a little slow in parts.

anyway, more importantly, i have been tinkling the ivories again! well, the plastics, anyway. i finally managed to set up my keyboard to talk to my laptop, which means i can put it somewhere other than on my desk. so it's in my bedroom, and i've been out and bought some better sheet music than the stuff i had left over from childhood piano lessons. now all i've got to do is get back some ability to play the thing... still, it's good fun.

unlike today at work, which was hugely irritating and unproductive.

what else? ah yes, another cottage possibility, this one just outside dornoch (north of inverness) passed me by this week, just couldn't get up there to view it. plus it had had a lot of surveys done already and was likely to go for way over the asking price, and since it was at the top of my range... ah well, there'll be another one along, i imagine.

now then; feeling old at the weekend - the students downstairs had a party, which they nicely told us about beforehand (didn't bloody invite us though...) and appear to have had a couple of, erm, spillages on the stair. it's thursday, and it still hasn't been properly cleaned up. at what point do i play the grown up and complain? never, i imagine. oh, i hate being british.

(no i don't. it could be worse. i could be german. oh, the humanity...)

www.tourettes.co.uk

nuff said.

i had forgotten how angry/ talented/ frightening tori amos is until i grabbed her off the shelf this afternoon to accompany a bit of the day.

i wanna smash the faces
of those beautiful boys
those christian boys
so you can make me cum
that doesn't make you jesus

yes indeedy.

went to see la cuadra de sevilla's production of carmen last night at the ft. [waves to helen and ali.] ain't i cultural? seemed to be the story of some wailing women, some soldiers and a dancing horse. they were all very good, to be fair.

i just noticed that the tour of godspell is coming to the self same theatre next week, starring the lovely daniel mcpherson from off the telly. which seems to be a good enough reason for a bit of eye-candy:

mmm. hair. belly. mmm.

the edinburgh film festival is having a mini early spring tour and i just went to see sur mes levres at the filmhouse. just about the most french film i've ever seen. good though. it's your basic deaf woman meets ex convict, lip-reading crimes ensue sort of affair. the tour is going to glasgow and london after edinburgh. i'm going to see two more next week.

mouse died yesterday. he was the nicest dog i ever knew. i helped pick him out from the dogs home many years ago; he's been living in london for a while. he had a good life though. bye bye mousey.

fuck ing hell. 5th!

we got 5th place in the Deloitte & Touche Fast 50 which means we're the 5th fastest growing technology company in the country. cool. what's more, we ate and drank magnificent quantities of very posh grog and nosh, and everyone got given a party bag of deloitte mints, a snazzy pad and a bouncy ball which lights up inside when you throw it around! (plus we also came back with the award, but that somehow isn't as much fun.)

i'm a little bedrunken. but i reckon that's fair enough. jackie bird presented the show! how cool is that? (for the benefit of our english readers, i should point out that jackie bird is the presenter of bbc scotland's tv news, and is a national institution). and there was all manner of flashing light and elastictrickery and thumping banging sounds.

on the down side, the place was full of suits, and there was only one cute man there, who was from the london stock exchange and with whom i had a couple of lovely conversations... the rest of 'em were bogging.

i'm in recovery. had a quite fantastic weekend in the lake district on account of my friend jane becoming 30 years old. she was surprised, which was appropriate since no-one had told her about it. on purpose.

lots of lovely people were there who i don't see very often at all, and it made me hanker after some good old days that i'm not quite sure ever existed. i'm not sure if it's legal to hanker after something that never actually happened, so i'd better stop. anyway, i loved it, it was great, and i want to do it again.

however, what with all the imbibing and whatnot, and the not enough sleeping, my working day today was sub-optimal. we had possibly the worst monday planning meeting ever. i think everybody was coming down off their weekend, and it was grim.

bizarrely, while the drive down took four hours, the drive back took two and a half. and the car was heavier then too. i conclude that momentum must be more important than acceleration.

so, awards dinner tomorrow. i might just wear my suit all day, for a laugh. i like wearing a suit, but only because i don't usually have to. i think i'll wear the one i got for the queen's garden party. the first one i went to, that is...