okay, i have started a kind of scrappy review section of the site where i will wax lyrical about my favourite filums, books, telly progs, albums and any other cultural reference that might be fun to write about. it's called doogielikes.

anyway - some excitement today at work, as it emerged that we have been placed in the top ten of the Fast 50 competition. we are one of scotland's ten fastest growing technology companies. not bad...

last night (this is turning into a completely back-to-front post) i went to the Scotch Malt Whisky Society in leith for a cheese amd whisky tasting evening. i've been a member there for nearly a year but this is the first proper event i've been to. it's a lovely place, lots of open fires and leather armchairs, and the tasting was an eye-opener. i'm more of a shrink-wrapped-from-sainsbury's kind of cheese eater, but these were all 'artisan' cheeses and i could actually taste a huge difference. the only one i didn't like was the lanark blue, and i can't stand blue cheese anyway. we had five big drams of some absolutely spectacular whiskies to go with it. and then i walked all the way home! from leith! that's about 3 miles... i must have been pissed.

well, it was all good fun. lots of dancing, the odd sword-fight and a great deal of vodka and red bull. but enough about work... ho ho ho.

the ball was splendid, though lots of people didn't have the appropriate eyewear. there were 6 other Zorros there as far as i could tell, but they were none of them a patch on me.

anyway, the big (ish) news is that following on from our appearance in the 'Fast 50' (Scotland's fastest growing technology companies) we're going to be featured in the Scottish business newspaper Business a.m. and the photographer is coming tomorrow to take my photie! shweet.

now, what will i do with my hair...

not long till Zorro now. going to have tequila soon. going to be tipsy later.

ooh look, everything has changed colour.

oh yes, and by the way, edith is now on the photos page. holy shit.

i think i have angered the gods. there is a relentless onslaught from workland at the moment which is threatening to drag me down. phrases like "no-one said it would be easy" and "if it wasn't challenging it wouldn't be fun" are falling around me like the unwelcome pigeon-shit of doom. i keep saying it's only work. it's only work.

two days to Zorro.

new photies available, and a snazzy pop-up redesign to boot. i spoil you, i really do.

spose i mustn't grumble. at least i have my health, as they say.

still, i could do with a bit of sex. maybe even a bit of love. aww. a friend at one of our clients who i hadn't seen since the new year popped in to see me at work today, to announce that she's been swept off her feet by a childhood flame. they've both been married for 20-odd years in between times, but now since getting together at the end of december they've been inseparable, and they are getting engaged! it's really lovely. i am jealous. he's also rich. i am very jealous.

anyway, enough introspection, i need to get out there again. i was doing so well for a period of about a month last year, and then it all went pear-shaped again. time to review those resolutions.

meanwhile my brother is going to a car boot sale and is rounding up things around the house that he can sell at a profit. except that he wouldn't really like to share the profit. sigh. still, at least a bit of the crap is going, though i remain to be convinced that anyone will buy any of it. the irony that a lot of his crap was bought at a car boot sale is not lost on him, but it seems best not to labour the point.

ah yes, and a bit of good news - my little company has won an award for being among the fastest growing technology companies in Scotland, and that means i get to go to a black tie dinner at our dynamic earth, which is good for two reasons: i have been meaning to go there for ages, so it'll be nice to have an excuse, although i will only get to see the function suite; and it's another opportunity to wear my dinner jacket, which i bought on the basis that my life would be full of formal events, which has been slightly adjacent to the truth.

(i realised as i was checking the web address there that we actually registered that domain for them and did their first web site, back when it was just a twinkle in a grant-funding body's eye...)

bloody hell, what a half week that was...

i thought this would be a nice three day week after my two days off at the start, but in fact i haven't been home before half past ten any night. and no social engagements in that either - one EN meeting and two (yes!) board meetings. christ on a bike.

and from a lovely relaxed mood on tuesday evening to a highly stressed and worried mood on friday; dear reader, can you spot the problem?

bollocks to it, it's only work. tomorrow i have the police in glasgow. then more work on sunday to prepare for work on monday. really it's just the most fun ever. i really am going to buy that cottage in the highlands, but once i get it i think i'll not bother getting a phone, and i'll got give anyone the address, and i won't get an internet connection or any method by which people can talk to me. and then on a day like this i'll just go up, light a fire, take a few drams of singleton and hide.

ah, it's a bonny dream.

something of a hiatus there; and why not, i've been on 'holiday'. well, i had monday and tuesday off anyway. was meant to be going away but sometimes these things just don't work out.

so; the conference was fun. it's just a pity that some people really are too stupid and too rude to live. but the moment is past, and i don't have to think about the ungrateful bastards for the moment, so i won't! overall i met some nice people, we made some political progress, and we had a good meal afterwards. i then pissed sunday away with coffee and bacon (and sausages - 2 kinds - and eggs and potato scones, and mushrooms and baked beans and ...).

and apart from my haircut (which you really have to look quite hard to notice) what did i achieve during my days off? well, i now have my Zorro outfit for the masquerade ball that i'm going to in a week and a half. a trip to the joke shop at the bottom of victoria street along with both branches of armstrong's (the second-hand clothing shop) kitted me out with most of what i needed. i got the boots today too, though i'm thinking i maybe need some gloves to complete the ensemble. i think rather than antonio banderas i'm looking for more of a george hamilton thing - you know, The Gay Blade? indeed.

to be honest that's about it, achievement-wise. except that i am feeling much more relaxed as i write this; and i'm not even under the influence. of anything!

oh yes, before i go - i just went to see a friend's production of david mamet's Oleanna, in livingston. wow. scary. very well acted, i can recommend it. i wanted to throttle the bitch by the end; apparently, though, i would say that, because i'm a man.

aaah.

hmm. a little tired and emotional on yesterday's posting methinks. still, many a true word spoken in ... erm ... whatever.

anyhoo, where are we now? ah yes, ready to ignite the world of scottish queer politics again at the weekend, with the equality network's fifth annual-ish conference, at which i will be holding the position of note-taker (bit of a demotion from chair a couple of years back, but hey, i'm not complaining). we'll be plotting how to get partnership recognition for people independent of the bizarre and unnecessarily religious marriage system, and notwithstanding the gender of the people who want their relationship to be recognised. in other words, a fair system. the EN site has more details, if yer interested, and we already have 100 people signed up to come along.

i spent three-quarters of an hour on the phone with my dad this evening helping him and my mum to transfer a Word document from one pc to another. unfortunately the first machine is a relatively recent purchase, with such modern inventions as a windowing interface and a mouse; the other dates from the late eighties, running dos 4.0 and the world's oldest version of Word. now i'm good, i've always said that, but even i have difficulty knowing exactly what combinations of keys to press and in what order, in order to change the current directory view in Word for dos. eventually a solution of sorts was found, but aaaaaaiii!

a familiar feeling in my stomach tonight. i could honestly be forgiven for saying it's the bone pills, they never mix well with alcohol, and though i haven't had much, it could easily be.

but that doesn't explain why i'm close to tears and listening to sop, and that's what makes me suspect it's more in my mind.

or in my past, maybe that's a fairer phrase.

once more, you open the door
and you're here in my heart
and my heart will go on and on

i only have to talk to him, and i'm back there with him. plus ca change. and now he's coming up to visit. and we'll be fantastically comfortable around each other. and i'll even pluck up the courage to be tactile with him, and he won't mind. and then we'll sleep separately, and this feeling in my stomach will come back. with a vengeance. because he has moved on. and i have not.

we apologise for this unforecast intermission. you will shortly be returned to your regular programming. please do not adjust your attitude.

sometimes there is no answer.

two sides of the same coin today. i am both irritated by someone's inability to say "i don't know" in the face of overwhelming evidence that they really don't, and forced to say it myself in circumstances in which you can say little else.

if this is unintelligible, then that's probably because i'm drunk. but not that much. not enough to name names!

i should probably actually write something myself here from time to time as well, eh?

i have a voracious appetite for the reading of small nuggets at the moment. one of my christmas presents was passing time in the loo, which is mostly a set of two-page summaries of famous (or worthy) books, designed to be read while taking a shit. it is very good indeed, and i think that's what's got me into it.

the book does fall down in it's back section though, including things like notes on grammar and punctuation. i disagree with a lot of them, you see; and my convictions on how to write properly are some of the firmest convictions i have (and that's saying something). did i mention that my mother was an english teacher?

(yes, i know that that's all a bit rich from someone who doesn't even use capital letters on his web page, but that's different. trust me. the sentence construction, you'll find, is impeccable.)

what is the gay life style? short hair? minimalist decor? we can’t simply be talking sex acts here, can we? because if we are, that would mean that the heterosexual life style would consist largely of the missionary position. that doesn’t entirely conform to my view of the heterosexual life style, which consists largely of folding towels, calling out for pizza and fighting over the remote for the tv.

Anna Quindlen

oh, when i was in love with you,
then i was clean and brave,
and miles around the wonder grew
how well did i behave.

and now the fancy passes by,
and nothing will remain,
and miles around they’ll say that i
am quite myself again.

a. e. housman, a shropshire lad

pinch, punch, first of the month. no returns.