just got back from seeing asoka, a bollywood spectacular. hmm. yes.

several important questions to be addressed: what did the musical interludes have to do with anything? why did he get a nosebleed every time he cried? why did the two lovers never actually kiss? and could you have made a feature length film out of just the shots of Shah Rukh Khan flicking his wet hair at people and looking pleased with himself?

had an evening of school reminiscences last night with my old schoolfriend elliot. hadn't seen him for ten years or more - it was great to catch up. some names were dredged up that i hadn't heard for fifteen years. there was the odd face that i couldn't put a name to (it was eddie hall!) but on the whole i think we did pretty well...

we also came to the conclusion that our year must have been one of the most boring in St. Joe's history. and the smallest.

love your gypsy hair
and dark brown eyes
always unprepared
for your pointed replies
i watch you playing pool
it's all around the school
that I love you

if you only knew
what I'm going through
time and again i get ashamed to say your name
it's hard to grin and bear
when you're standing there
my lips are dry, i catch your eye and look away

the incomparable tom robinson

(and that is dedicated to marcus weatherby, in the year above me at school, who never knew and likely never will)

jings, crivens, it's thursday again.

parental visit this weekend, short-notice. flat cleaning started in earnest this morning, with a quick scrape-down of the most used surfaces, and a general stuffing of all the crap in the hall into one of the cupboards. how sad is it that, for all my redecoration, purchases of large and grown-up style furniture and suchlike, i still feel like an errant student when my parents come to town?

they're showing round an american visitor who preferred the idea of edinburgh to london. can't blame her.

also getting my first sainsbury's internet shopping delivery on saturday, which is quite exciting isn't it? i'm assuming the more times you do it the quicker it gets, so that eventually it will be even quicker than getting in the car and going to the supermarket...

so, my most recently-acquired household appliance is an old tumble dryer that a work colleague no longer had any use for. never had one of them before - they're grrreat. but i have two slight worries:

firstly, where does the water go? it isn't one of these with a tube coming out which you're meant to attach to the outside, but at the same time it doesn't seem to be a condenser sort where you empty the water out of a tank either. so it must just be going into the air, but if the other two types need special facilities why doesn't this one??

second, if you have to extract a handful of fluff at the end of drying one lump of clothes, it surely can't be long until your clothes have all disappeared the same way... what's the wastage factor here? will my trousers last long enough to come back into fashion? hmm?

i stole this from someone funny:

when i was 14, i hoped that one day i would have a boyfriend.

when i was 16 i got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. so i decided i needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.

at university i dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. everything was an emergency. he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. so i decided i needed a boy with stability.

When i was 25 i found a very stable guy but he was boring. he was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. life became so dull that i decided i needed a boy with some excitement.

when i was 28 i found an exciting boy, but i couldn't keep up with him. he rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. he did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. he made me miserable as often as happy. he was great fun initially and very energetic, but had no direction. so i decided to find a boy with some ambition.

when i turned 31, i found a smart ambitious boy with his feet planted firmly on the ground so i moved in with him. he was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything i owned.

i am older now and am looking for a guy with a very big penis.

why do glaswegian people say
"carry-out" and not "takeaway"?
and "ahll gie youse fuckin station ya wee cunt"
instead of "it's just down there on the left"...

well, this weekend was a definite improvement. did no work, which certain people might be displeased about, but i needed to (not). had lunch on saturday with richard holloway, ex bishop of edinburgh, which was nice... except that the delightful folks at maison bleue in edinburgh took a little over three hours to serve us three courses!, including about an hour and a quarter before the starters appeared - and they were almost all salads.

anyway i had to leave before it all ended, but at least we gave him his award, which was the main thing.

then off to see keith and cecile [waves] and their wee ones aimée and glen. other people's children - lovely! and then when they get tiring you can hand them back. had a triffic avocado-based feast and then lost at monopoly. was smashing fun.

and then after a very pain-free sunday i just watched the new popstars thing with pete waterman and dr fox and all those people ripping the shit out of talentless wannabees. i wouldn't have watched it but jauj and jane made me.

nothing for ages and then two at once. it can mean only one thing: i'm meant to be doing something else more important.

well yes, the work week hasn't been a triumph so far. if i even manage to have had a five minute conversation with each member of my team by the end of friday i'll be surprised. but today i am out at the big client site and pleasantly insulated from the slings and arrows of the normal working day. because here, you see, people work slowly and are easily impressed. it's macademia. ho ho, and em...

here i get to foster working relationships with people on a weekly basis, rather than seeing the same tired faces every day. and i'm surprised at how much that gives me a boost. plus, i understand everything that goes on here, cos i mostly designed it, built it and ran it for the last five years. it's soft and manageable, just like my hair.

oh yes, i really do need a haircut now, notwithstanding the great push to grow it longer.it's nothing short of unkempt now, and something must be done.

oh, at least act like you care...

well i haven't put a proper post here for a while, so i probably should... had a crappy weekend, frankly - an eye infection in the middle of which i had to go to a sales meeting which lasted for six and a half hours instead of two. but it's all over now.

more importantly, there have been sightings of photos of the murder mystery weekend, and as soon as i can nick one i'll scan it in and you can all see edith in her finery! you lucky devils.

home life is being spiced up at the moment by nightly abusive phone messages from one of my brother's ex-employees who feels he has been wronged somewhere along the line and is a bit pissed off about it. if it goes on much longer i might have to do something about changing the number. stupid little shit.

and i'm dog-tired all the time too. maybe it's hormonal. maybe i'm pregnant. stranger things have happened. that horse becoming pope, for one.

the cars in the churchyard
are shiny and german
distinctly at odds with
the theme of the sermon

and during communion
i study the people
threading themselves through
the eye of the needle

the divine comedy

why australia should be ashamed

1. their prime minister's decision to turn away refugees won him re-election


2. they invite known human rights abuser and torturer robert mugabe to stay, but refuse entry to human rights campaigner peter tatchell


3. that's fucking well enough if you ask me

why that david blunkett is a right bastard

1. is more right-wing than jack straw (and that's saying something!)


2. takes advantage of the terrorist attacks on the US by suggesting that we now need to introduce compulsory ID cards in the UK to 'combat terrorism' - and how exactly would that have stopped any of the determined terrorist actions of the past thirty years?


3. voted against an equal age of consent and doesn't support repeal of section 28 in england and wales - the labour party should be ashamed


4. blocked the right of the scottish parliament to legislate for equal opportunities


5. never looks at you when he's talking to you...